Friday, December 20, 2013

Observations

Oh great, I know you just can't wait for my Christmas observations but you have to read through a few before you get to look at funny pictures, or I guess you can skim down, your choice, but I'd read on if I were you...........................
I've been on the Salvation Army bell several times over the past week and I've observed some really interesting sights at the Wal-Mart:
  • There is genuine joy on most people's faces when they give. I must remember that during the next stewardship drive at church.............
  • Some like to tell you that they just wrote a check and mailed it to the Salvation Army
  • Some like to tell you the amount on the check
  • Some like tell you these things loudly so that others can hear them
  • Nearly all will either give something or apologize for not giving. Often they will tell you where they just gave to other Salvation Army bell ringers. I just smile and say Merry Christmas and thank you. I try not to be, but am way too often judgmental. I know that going to several stores and seeing the same red bucket can be expensive. SWMBO and I went into Harris Teeter last weekend without a penny on either of us. I smiled and said Merry Christmas. No one wants an explanation or a story about how much we give or that I do this myself...........or at least while I was telling them these things at Harris Teeter their faces showed complete and utter disinterest 
  • Some people who look like they might possibly receive help from the Salvation Army give generously and happily.
  • (The reverse of the above)
  • I am judgmental
  • My efforts were not to fulfill community service hours, but it would be nice to have a positive balance if I ever need it
  • When I ring the bell I am forced away from my usual scowl-ish face and smile. Very unnatural for me to do that but I kinda like it...........need to do that more often
  • Everyone has at least 5 flat screen televisions and more are going out the door every hour
  • People who plead with their hands for the driver in front of them to do something often look at me observing them. They are never embarrassed and often include me in their rant with utter disbelief that someone in front of them stopped for whatever reason. I enunciate Merry Christmas so they can read my lips. Oh, and I'm number one in a lot of their books!
  • I am super-thin
  • I am judgmental, did I mention that already? 
  • I am super-judgmental 
  • I ring in front of a cross walk with two stop signs. When they stop, older women hit the throttle harder than any other sex/age group
  • And one last thing: while ringing the bell I try to keep time with Led Zeppelin's Black Dog; I guess maybe I'm trying for the cymbals work. I realized today that when I'm distracted by something such as simple as a ..............................
    • cell call
    • airplane
    • pretty woman
    • motorcycle
    • contrails
    • loud car or truck engine
    • helicopter
    • argument in the parking lot (that was MY spot!)
    • texts
    • DJI update
    • a horn blowing
    • pretty woman, oh said that twice? I like those
.............................................. I unknowingly quit ringing the bell. Hopefully only I noticed that behavior but its kinda funny, to me anyway. No, I can't chew gum and walk at the same time but that is another story for another time. Really funny!

Mary Poppins is in the news, I still think this boy looked a lot like a Jim Holshouser. TAR assured me this young man died at age 21 after contracting hepatitis in India. Sorry to hear that sad news from the 70's, but I still think he looks like one of the best governors we ever had, no, not talking about Chicken Lips Hunt.                                                                                             
                                                      
This guy's picture is on every other entry in Facebook. I don't like the over-acting in reality television so I don't watch ZZ Top Bachelor Dynasty Can Dance Got Talent Idol Survivor Great Race Jersey Shore and I'm sorry he lost his job over expressing his opinions. But if he was fired for expressing his personal beliefs publicly (key phrase there) I would assume that either:
a) He is going to win a big lawsuit over his unjust removal
                                  or 
b) He and his lawyer didn't read his contract, which again I assume included a personal behavior/morals clause. Either way, ain't got a dog in that fight and I'm getting a little tired of hearing about it. 
Happy birthday Jesus! And thanks for everything
Now Jackson knows how he got cowlicks. Congratulations on the Dean's List again.
Can't hide class and you have to stay warm
Not sure which phase I'm in right now, leaning to the left a little, OK a lot
Forrest Gump and his new boat, my Christmas present every year for the rest of my life. Thanks Santa!
Cooper with Santa (don't forget Cappy wants a Ferrari)
Keelyn wants to be, and is a princess. In this rare shot she is looking directly at Santa!
And Annabel wants out. When I was little someone informed me that Santa had my pacifier, my parents told me later that I frisked Santa looking for it. 
> 1800 hits last week? I'm not sure how that is happening but thanks. Merry Christmas to all. Taking the rest of the year off from the blog (watch the numbers drop). Talk to you in 14.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Overheard At The Wal-Mart

Yep, got thrown out of another bakery
Great week on the road in Ohio and West Virginia, even got to see Jackson Thursday night on the way home. TAR has the house looking like Christmas, no more travel, tons of paperwork but that's OK, we'll get there.
Oh yes, two two-hour shifts at Wally World ringing the Salvation Army bell has been..............   enlightening. Two samples:
Guy standing at the entrance door with a red solo cup: "It's good Kentucky bourbon and I ain't going to pour it out or leave it in the car!" (glug glug glug)
Obese woman walking on bum legs while pulling at her waistline: "One of these days I'm going to have to break down and just go buy myself a belt"
Correlation: One having, one needing a ...................................belt.
Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 06, 2013

SHAFT

John Shaft, he's a bad ......................well you know the rest........................
Ever wonder what the Shaft theme would sound like in a different format?
                        click here    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfK-UzQ48JE
Yeah, you damn right. Can you dig it?
I'm not sure what this means:
 
Giants live in northern Virginia and they need toys and heaters!
But I want a giant tire not a little one:
Yum, had Jackson's girlfriend Elizabeth in town last weekend, fried oysters were the appetizers.
 And speaking of giant things, a look at my brother's new boat:
And sweet little Jessica, who spelled me for a few minutes ringing the bell this afternoon. I'll be back at the Wal-Mart Monday for two hours and this time I'm bringing a camera and I'm going to use it!
In the northeast this past week for some productive meetings, next week in WV and OH. Can't get that Shaft theme out of your head can you? 

Dueling Banjos No, the odd looking young man did not play the banjo in the movie, here is how the movie-magic people did it: Fake sleeves !!...