Man That Is Living, The Sandra West Story

While leaving San Antonio this week I just had to go pay my respects to the lady with the most expensive vault since Cleopatra's. (editor's note: we never know when this is truth and when it is bull shit)

A simple headstone laid in the San Antonio Alamo Masonic cemetery, an old graveyard that is not kept up very well. No famous San Antonians are interred there. However, under this plain marker there is an interesting vault placed in 1977:

Inside the box, and then covered with concrete is this lovely lady:

After death, she was placed in one of her Ferraris wearing her favorite lacy nightgown and with the seat "slanted comfortably" all at the direct instructions from her last will and testament. 

The funeral director said the car in this photograph was not the burial Ferrari, she had three. Some say she was in a 64 American, some say it was her Dino. Regardless I guess one has these choices when one marries an oil tycoon who precedes you into the great unknown (No judgement here, just an observation. Besides, who am I to judge? I married a wealthy school teacher!)

There are conflicting reports on how she passed away, there were some reports that she overdosed on prescription drugs, another report said she died from complications after an auto crash. However her Beverly Hills physician described her as "a psychotic with a tendency toward paranoia and hallucination." Welllll, potay-to, potah-to, she seemed like a pretty fascinating young lady. 

In closing you might ask why investigate the final resting spot of Sandra West and not Davy Crockett? Thank you, that is a good question and I am glad you asked it. Hold on to your coonskin cap, you might not like the answer, next time on Tales of the Macabre!

Guts and Gore

I have a target rich environment of the macabre this week but I will pull it back a little and instead, talk about oddities of famous persons' deaths.

Isadora Duncan

Isadora Duncan, a famous dancer in the 1920’s wore a long scarf. She jumped in a sports car with no roof and the scarf got caught in the spokes of one of the wheels, and she was strangled.

Lou Gehrig

Lou Gehrig. ALS causes loss of muscle control but many people diagnosed know what's in store for them. They know they will be losing the ability to walk, talk and even breathe.

It is even weirder that he died from a disease that had the same name. I mean, what are the odds?

And finally, what a great way to be remembered:

David Carradine: Bondage Gone Too Far

Carradine was a successful martial artist and actor who appeared in the hit series Kung Fu. Carradine actually learned a lot of his martial arts techniques through his immersive experiences and training while filming kung fu films. While filming in Bangkok, police found Carradine unclothed and hanging from a rope in the closet of his hotel room. At first, most assumed that Carradine's passing would be labeled as a suicide. However, autopsy reports ruled that his demise was caused by autoerotic asphyxiation.

Details about Carradine's interests in bondage and experimental sex provided further evidence that his suffocation was likely accidental, and not intentional.

It is so good to know that it was accidental!

Deviation From The Norm

In a special edition of this blog today I ask that you donate to help the Downeast families who lost a whole lot two weeks ago.I thought about ways that I could personally help immediately. Then I saw where one of ou area churches had figured out a way to do what I was thinking. Pay for the funerals!

Here is the website:https://fumcmhc.org/

Please give generously. Thank you. 

I Did Not Know That

In our house we have a drinking game that is started when someone says those very words. Today on the anniversary of the 1936 death of King George V, I find myself saying those very same words. Did you know this?

By 20 January, he was close to death. His physicians, led by Lord Dawson of Penn, issued a bulletin with the words "The King's life is moving peacefully towards its close."^[118][119] Dawson's private diary, unearthed after his death and made public in 1986, reveals that the King's last words, a mumbled "God damn you!",^[120] were addressed to his nurse, Catherine Black, when she gave him a sedative that night. Dawson, who supported the "gentle growth of euthanasia",^[121] admitted in the diary that he hastened the King's death by injecting him, after 11:00 p.m., with two consecutive lethal injections: 3/4 of a grain of morphine followed shortly afterwards by a grain of cocaine.^[120][122] Dawson wrote that he acted to preserve the King's dignity, to prevent further strain on the family, and so that the King's death at 11:55 p.m. could be announced in the morning edition of The Times newspaper rather than "less appropriate ... evening journals".^[120][122] Neither Queen Mary, who was intensely religious and might not have sanctioned euthanasia, nor the Prince of Wales was consulted. The royal family did not want the King to endure pain and suffering and did not want his life prolonged artificially but neither did they approve Dawson's actions.^[123] British Pathé announced the King's death the following day, in which he was described as "for each one of us, more than a King, a father of a great family".^[124]

Interesting.Euthanasia of the king. 

Take Me Home Tonight

Ronnie Spector died today, she was 78. Lots of notable deaths recently, but I really liked Ronnie. Sure you have to watch old gooogley-eyed Eddie sing for the first half of this, but then you get to watch Ronnie shake that tail, and she was 43 at the time. 

Why You Must Be The Luckiest Guy On Earth!

Since It Is The Week Of Christmas:

This one was discovered by my #2 son, and within a couple of days went viral and national. Since it was written with a tad bit of animosity I will not label it the GOAT, that honor has to stay with the man, the myth, the legend: William Freddie McCullough. But this is a good one:

Renay Mandel Corren El Paso, TX

A plus-sized Jewish lady redneck died in El Paso on Saturday.

Of itself hardly news, or good news if you're the type that subscribes to the notion that anybody not named you dying in El Paso, Texas is good news. In which case have I got news for you: the bawdy, fertile, redheaded matriarch of a sprawling Jewish-Mexican-Redneck American family has kicked it. This was not good news to Renay Mandel Corren's many surviving children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, many of whom she even knew and, in her own way, loved. There will be much mourning in the many glamorous locales she went bankrupt in: McKeesport, PA, Renay's birthplace and where she first fell in love with ham, and atheism; Fayetteville and Kill Devil Hills, NC, where Renay's dreams, credit rating and marriage are all buried; and of course Miami, FL, where Renay's parents, uncles, aunts, and eternal hopes of all Miami Dolphins fans everywhere, are all buried pretty deep. Renay was preceded in death by Don Shula.

Because she was my mother, the death of zaftig good-time gal Renay Corren at the impossible old age of 84 is newsworthy to me, and I treat it with the same respect and reverence she had for, well, nothing. A more disrespectful, trash-reading, talking and watching woman in NC, FL or TX was not to be found. Hers was an itinerant, much-lived life, a Yankee Florida liberal Jewish Tough Gal who bowled 'em in Japan, rolled 'em in North Carolina and was a singularly unique parent. Often frustrated by the stifling, conservative culture of the South, Renay turned her voracious mind to the home front, becoming a model stay at home parent, a supermom, really, just the perfect PTA lady, volunteer, amateur baker and-AHHAHAA HA! HA! HA! Just kidding, y'all! Renay - Rosie to her friends, and this was a broad who never met a stranger - worked double shifts with Doreen, ate a ton of carbs with Bernie, and could occasionally be stirred to stew some stuffed cabbage for the kids. She played cards like a shark, bowled and played cribbage like a pro, and laughed with the boys until the wee hours, long after the last pin dropped. At one point in the 1980's, Renay was the 11th or 12th-ranked woman in cribbage in America, and while that could be a lie, it sounds great in print. She also told us she came up with the name for Sunoco, and I choose to believe this, too. Yes, Renay lied a lot. But on the plus side, Renay didn't cook, she didn't clean, and she was lousy with money, too. Here's what Renay was great at: dyeing her red roots, weekly manicures, dirty jokes, pier fishing, rolling joints and buying dirty magazines. She said she read them for the articles, but filthy free speech was really Renay's thing. Hers was a bawdy, rowdy life lived large, broke and loud. We thought Renay could not be killed. God knows, people tried. A lot. Renay has been toying with death for a decades, but always beating it and running off in her silver Chevy Nova. Covid couldn't kill Renay. Neither could pneumonia twice, infections, blood clots, bad feet, breast cancer twice, two mastectomies, two recessions, multiple bankruptcies, marriage to a philandering Sergeant Major, divorce in the 70's, six kids, one cesarean, a few abortions from the Quietly Famous Abortionist of Spring Lake, NC or an affair with Larry King in the 60's. Renay was preceded in death by her ex-boyfriend, Larry King. Renay was also sadly preceded in death by her beloved daughter, Cathy Sue Corren Lester Trammel Webster, of Kill Devil Hills, NC, who herself was preceded in death by two marriages, a fudge shop and one eyeball lost in a near-fatal Pepsi bottle incident that will absolutely be explored in future obituaries. Losing her 1-eyed badass b**** of a daughter in 2007 devastated Renay, but it also made her quite homeless, since Cathy pretty much picked up the tab. A talented and gregarious grifter, Renay M. Corren eked out her final years of luxury (she literally retired at 62) under the care, compassion, checking accounts and, evidently, unlimited patience of her favorite son and daughter-in-law, Michael and Lourdes Corren, of world-famous cow sanctuary El Paso, TX. Renay is also survived by her son Jeffrey Corren and his endlessly tolerant wife Shirley, of Powell's Point, NC; Scott Corren, and what's left of his colon, of Hampton, VA; Marc and Laura Corren, the loveliest dirt farmers of Vernon, TX (seriously, where is that); and her favorite son, the gay one who writes catty obituaries in his spare time, Andy Corren, of - obviously - New York City. Plus two beloved granddogs, Mia and Hudson. Renay was particularly close to and grateful for the lavish attentions of her granddaughter Perla and her great-grandchildren Elijah and Leroy, as well as her constant cruise companions Sam Trammell of Greenville, NC, and Adam Corren of El Paso, TX. Renay took tremendous pride in making 1 gay son and 2 gay grandchildren, Sam Trammell and Adam Corren.

There will be a very disrespectful and totally non-denominational memorial on May 10, 2022, most likely at a bowling alley in Fayetteville, NC. The family requests absolutely zero privacy or propriety, none what so ever, and in fact encourages you to spend some government money today on a 1-armed bandit, at the blackjack table or on a cheap cruise to find our inheritance. She spent it all, folks. She left me nothing but these lousy memories. Which I, and my family of 5 brothers and my sister-in-laws, nephews, friends, nieces, neighbors, ex-boyfriends, Larry King's children, who I guess I might be one of, the total strangers who all, to a person, loved and will cherish her. Forever. Please think of the brightly-frocked, frivolous, funny and smart Jewish redhead who is about to grift you, tell you a filthy joke, and for Larry King's sake: LAUGH. Bye, Mommy. We loved you to bits.

RIP RENAY MANDEL CORREN 10 MAY 1937 - 11 DEC 2021

Some editor's notes:

1. When was the last time you read the adjective "zaftig" anywhere? I bet you, like me will have to look it up, it means obese. 

2. Did you know that cribbage players could be ranked nationally? Neither did I, and you would think I would know things like that, since I am the ninth ranked national Jeopardy-stay-at-home-and-answer-the-questions-to-myself contestant. Or as we like to call it, the JSAHAATQTO.

3. I invented the sarcastic version of the term whateeeeeeeever. Please remember to add that to my obituary, no wait, second thought, don't. But please add that my secret superpower is that I can pick up my stapler and know when it is empty. You will  be happy to know that I only use this superpower for good, never for evil.

4. Vernon, TX is northwest of Wichita Falls, TX. Annually the Dallas News has an article which lists the top ten worst jobs in Texas. Each year one of the top ten is "any job in Wichita Falls." Go ahead, look it up. I can only imagine that Vernon amps that condition up a notch. Vernon is the hometown of Roy Orbison and Kenneth Starr, who? Ringo's cousin. 

Now that was a Christmas story!