April 6, 2012

Guess Who Is Pregnant?

I worked in Texas this week. Griping, complaining, whining (my best Roy Williams impression, are you proud of me for not making fun of Dean Smith anymore? Figured I’d give him a break from now on) and complaining I left the house at 4:30 AM Tuesday. When my rep picked me up he told me I was lucky to get there when I did, some severe weather was on the way. We made a couple of calls before lunch as the skies continued to darken. During lunch (http://angelosbbq.com/) we watched on television as the tornadoes formed. Most of the patrons were locals and enjoyed scaring me with tales of past tornadoes and how well they survived them. As they continued to try to make me soil myself one twister started tossing tractor trailer vans about, all got quiet, and everyone started making phone calls and leaving. My rep knows his home roads well and we drove out of our way to miss the twisters. Although we hit a lot of heavy rain and hail, there was not too much wind so all was well. It was after 10:00 PM when we got back to the hotel in Dallas; I worried about my room being given away but was surprised to see a substantial line waiting to check in. Those were the lucky ones who made it in; many in our meeting didn’t make it to Dallas until later Wednesday. Figure that out, my Tuesday started at 3:30 AM EDT and ended at after 11:00 PM CDT; first meeting Wednesday at 7:30 AM. I should have studied harder in school, no wait, I should have studied in school; maybe attending classes would have helped too but who knows?

Somewhere out there we went through Dublin TX where the original Dr Pepper was, and is bottled. Through a major corporate agreement only in Dublin can you get the original DP made with pure cane syrup.Do you think its any good? Are you kidding? HammmmminaHammmmmminaHammmmmmina! Haven’t slept since then.

No complaints, but tornadoes scare the piss out of me because I know somewhere in all that wind this woman is in there

That reminds me of several years ago when Jackson and I went to Indianapolis for a race. At some point after the concerts, pre-race activities etc. and before the race started a plane above started writing the name of the sponsor in smoke……A…….L…….L…… .S……T……A…..

Just then old drunk Billy Bob wondered out loud what the hell it spelled; I replied

I heard one person laughing hysterically and then realized it was me; Jackson only rolled his eyes. Funny stuff nonetheless, or at least in my warped mind. And as some close to me would ask “is that a true story?” Yes it is, and the race sponsor was Allstate. And to answer one gesture from another nearby race fan, no, my wrist was not broken!

And I’m on my way home this Good Friday morning. The only seats available on the 530AM flight (arrive in New Bern before lunch) were in first class at an additional charge of over $1400.00. Let’s see; where is that new American Express platinum card? OK, better not do that, anything later? Three legged flight arriving at 4:30PM? You say it is an additional $400.00? Looks like I’m getting home about 11:00 PM but I will not complain, otherwise you might think I coach basketball at unc (one more dig but no more……..today)

So I guess that my Good Friday supper will be at Paschal’s (http://www.paschalsatlanta.com/) in the Atlanta airport. When does Lent end? Never mind, if I eat at Paschal’s I’ll get sweet tea to wash down the fried chicken, black eyed peas, and collards; but it might be worth a call to Scotland to remind them to go back into full production. NOW! Are you still reading this? I said call Scotland!

Who is pregnant? Heather is…………………………congratulations to Heather, Caroline and nephew Kevin; great news, another Riley is on the way. How can we work the name Duke into this child’s name? Contest begins today……………..

Today is Good Friday and as we remember the passion let us also remember that the tomb is empty.

Happy Easter

March 30, 2012

Another Motorcycle Problem

For five straight weeks I've come home at or after midnight; just for fun last week I did it twice. Jackson came home sick and we took him back Sunday night. I need frequent driver points. Next Friday, coincidentally Good Friday, my flight is due to arrive in New Bern after 10:00 PM. The fun continues.

There is no wonder I wake up worrying about such things as whether Gilligan was his first name or his last; by the way it was his last name, his first name was Willy.

But it is a good thing that both TAR and I enjoy our jobs and what we do, there is some kind of fulfillment out there somewhere which like total consciousnesses on my deathbed is nice..........

At the Wal-Mart this week and realized that at the age of 56 I am finally able to pick out my own cereal. When did that happen? Oh look at the Fruit Loops, Captain Crunch, SMORZ, Apple Jacks, and Fried Chocolate Chicken with Gin-Lace Marsh-mellow Berries....OK, I made that last one up. 10 turned into 56 faster than that last martini disappeared, which by the way was February 20th not that I'm counting................And the answer for which you're groping is Crunch Raisin Bran

And now for pictures you seem to prefer over my writing: from George Takei titled "ohhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

From my own brilliant mind; were these two separated at birth? You decide........

From the rooftop of my Toronto hotel; a suggested motto "we put the bomb in Bombay"

Mandatory Niagara Falls picture, sorry the lighting was poor, I left Toronto pretty early in the morning. Still beautiful as ever

.................and our grand daughter is a plate licker, good to the last drop.

In Dallas all next week.

Oh the motorcycle you ask? Riding in Beaufort at 35 MPH and hit a small bump, the windshield broke. Took it back to Knuckleheadz, we'll have to find out what my birthday present is going to cost.

March 23, 2012

Grandma's Birthday

Pictures you want, pictures you got

You try writing this thing every week, OK, just a few captions:

The happiest place on earth my ass; they didn't act too happy when I told Mary Poppins I'd like to give her a spoonful of sugar...........................................Also when I asked a guy in a turban if he worked at the Alladin ride

From a collaboration with Jackson "try the pork chops, they're too die for"

You know the part of Peter Pan is usually played by a woman, no, we argued about this one, I thought she was a woman but SWMBO said no, you decide

My favorite Stars Wars character

We know who did it Hughtey Battle

Audience participation time, insert your own caption for Wilma Flintstone........

See you next week with more commentary and less pictures.................

March 16, 2012

Vacation

We went to Orlando this week; I was on vacation. If you would like to see pictures and comments please indicate such in the comments, otherwise we move on...........

March 10, 2012

I'm A Dancing, Dancing, Dancing........Dancing Machine

At our dance class Wednesday night we did the Salsa, I of course created my own version.....you've probably seen my freelance dances such as opening the stuck jam jar, cranking the lawnmower, the water sprinkler, and one I learned from Jay.....going down the grocery aisle selecting items and placing them into my cart. But the salsa was easy, I even ad libbed spilling some on my shirt, not too difficult. Unfortunately the instructor was not amused.....................

Keep in mind this is my idea of far-out letting it all hang out dancing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BX99GBCtysI&feature=related

Whoa, is Henry Fonda a dancing madman or what?

Along those lines I received an e-mail from the church office this week asking me if I had a whip they could borrow for a sermon this Sunday. I couldn't help but ask why they would possibly think of me and they just laughed. I told them I was sorry I didn't have one but that SWMBO has several and I would sneak one out to them, but they couldn't have one of the fancy good ones she saves for special occasions. OK, I made part of that story up, can you figure out which part?

No ideas on how St. Hooker's got its name huh? Really disappointed, thought the bright collective minds of my readers would bring forth some good ideas, but I guess.........Oh and so you know, you can comment as ANONYMOUS in case you need that veil of secrecy to express your hidden inner thoughts.

And so we're off to FL today; whole gang of us, the Pattersons, Jay, Holly, Keelyn, the little girl to be born later this summer, even Jackson. We're looking forward to Magic Kingdom and all we can see, going to be fun and relaxing.

Oh? The little girl on the way? You read carefully Grasshopper. How does Dinky Duke sound? Too feminine? Not sure of the name yet, heard Kate, Quinn, like'm all; but let's rule out Betty............or should they?

Off to the happiest place on earth, later

March 2, 2012

Cades County

Glenn Ford riding around the desert in a jeep, everybody was against him but he was going to do the "right thing." No, never watched it, I was too busy dating hot supermodels, OK, I was sitting there eating oranges with the rest of them. What else could I possibly be doing on a weekend night? A good memory of my father, thanks

In VA, MD and PA this past week, saw a couple of interesting signs on the road. I thought that Heilig-Meyers went out of business, well maybe they did

And this week's contest, fill in your caption here, nice message from the pastor, wonder who named this church? I can't help but think of Arthur Bach sitting in the dining room at the Plaza "oh you're a hooker?"

Key customer in thought yesterday in Pennsylvania. Might have been in worry/thought/prayer. One of the rewarding aspects of my job is having friends in this industry like him. He and his family vacation in our area each year and I'm fortunate to be able to spend time with them, although he always manages to reach into my pockets and retrieve golf bet winnings. But come on, finishing a meeting at 4:00 in Lebanon PA on a Friday? Made for a long ride home, the DC Beltway had construction, rain and heavy traffic; home @ 1:00AM. Three weeks in a row getting home after midnight.................

Next week in the office! Then Friday we are off to the happiest place on earth;my granddaughter can't wait to take me on It's A Small World. Guess I picked the wrong Lent period to stop sniffing glue

February 25, 2012

Daytona 500 Weekend

I watched a couple of old Daytona 500 races on tape last week and was kinda surprised to see just how poor the graphics and commentary were way back then. Here is what I learned:

Ben Gazzara started the famous 1979 race

In his rookie race Ken Squier mentioned that Dale Earnhardt was not "intimidated" Hmmmm

Squier described the cars' drivers as being "at the keyboards" Again, hmmmmmm, wonder what that meant?

Chris Economacki congratulated David Pearson for winning his second 500 in 1976; Pearson just looked at him funny since it was his first win.

Buddy Baker was incoherent

Here's another Squier quote "Darrell Waltrip is off his game today, running along in second place....."

Well enough of that, went through Rocky Mount making calls Wednesday; noticed there was no monument in front of this building. See if you can figure that one out

Nor the next one either

But there wasn't one here either

Did have one suggestion for the end of humanity song: "We'll Meet Again" See if you can figure that one out while you're at it

Off to MD and PA next week; meetings end at 4:00PM on Friday in Lebanon, PA; are you kidding?